4 Sex Ed Lessons That Could’ve Changed Everything
The lessons sex ed skipped—why they matter for every student today
Last week, I wrote about the myths in sex ed that just won’t die. This got me thinking about my own sex education experience.
I attended Catholic school from kindergarten through 12th grade. We didn’t have “Health Class.” We had “Life Skills,” which was less about actual life skills and more about the Catholic position on what they should be.
I didn’t learn about specific STIs or healthy relationships; I learned about “venereal disease” (now an outdated term) and that “sex is meant for when a woman and man love each other very much.”
At the time, I didn’t realize just how much of my curriculum was based in shame and fear. But I do remember being curious for more, as if the information provided wasn’t enough for whatever I was seeking as a teenager.
Today, I want to share four things I wish I had learned in sex ed, and why I believe every student deserves to learn them, too.
1. Not every STI presents with symptoms
So many students leave their sex ed classroom with worst-case scenario images of STIs burned into their memory. This is what you call a scare tactic. While many STIs do present with symptoms, many don’t—or the symptoms are so minimal they go unnoticed.
This leads many people to avoid seeking testing and treatment, and also leads them to assume that simply looking at someone’s genitals can help determine their STI status. In reality, the majority of curable STIs present without symptoms.
2. You can do everything “right” and still get an STI
Because so many students receive a shame and fear-based education, STIs are often perceived as personal and/or moral failings. This can be especially impactful if someone has done all the “right” things—like using condoms, getting tested, and talking to their partners—and still tests positive for an STI.
Sometimes, STIs can appear in monogamous relationships, too. Not just because someone cheated, which adds more complexity, shame, and blame. While condoms are excellent tools for reducing STIs, they don’t cover the entire genital region, which means STIs that transmit via skin-to-skin contact (e.g., herpes) remain a potential factor.
Instead of teaching students about the realities and likelihood of STIs, these classrooms teach shame, which leads to unnecessary confusion during moments like this.
3. Not every healthy relationship will progress to marriage (nor does it need to)
Growing up around Catholic values meant there was a lot of discussion about marriage and what took place within it. In Catholicism, marriage is a sacrament, after all.
I don’t remember having any discussions about consent, healthy relationships, or dating, but I do remember being told about falling in love, getting married, and having kids (in that order).
Marriage isn’t for everyone—for so many reasons. Healthy relationships can take many forms. Limiting the narrative to marriage erases queer partnerships, chosen singlehood, and other valid relational paths. Putting a box around relationships and expectations in this way limits how we see ourselves, and how we think of relational safety, too.
4. You don’t have to have kids
Similar to conversations about marriage, I never recall a discussion in my health education about not having kids. In 7th grade, we were tasked with flour babies. We had to carry these flour babies (literally bags of flour) to all of our classes. (Because teaching kids to be responsible for flour for a week is exactly what being a parent is like. Right.)
Not having kids wasn’t presented as an option. At that age, marriage and kids seemed like a distant future, but having conversations about multiple options does matter. It impacts our self-concept, how we think about our wants and needs in relationships, and how we navigate it all.
Telling students that they don’t have to have kids isn’t indoctrination—it’s freedom.
Why This Matters to Me
When looking back on my education, it’s no wonder I became so passionate about sexual health and reproductive rights. I became so passionate about it because of how deeply impacted I was by what I didn’t learn.
From the lack of comprehensive sex education and my subsequent herpes diagnosis, to navigating dating and relationships, to advocating for a childfree life. None of these tools were given to me when I was growing up, and I do believe they would’ve made a difference.
Which is why I’m so loud about it now.
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