Why Everyone Needs a Crash Course in Gender and Sexuality 101
How Uninformed Opinions Shape Public Understanding of Gender and Sex
I’m exhausted. Exhausted hearing television personalities and podcast hosts confidently misrepresent the difference between gender and sex. Exhausted seeing “Make America Healthy Again” moms who happily attend drag show brunches for bachelorette parties while simultaneously claiming that schools acknowledging gender diversity are somehow harming their children.
This fatigue isn’t new. I’ve carried it since earning my gender and sexuality studies degree in 2015, but I could never have imagined the landscape I would ultimately find myself navigating. Throughout my career, I’ve always been doubted and discredited, told repeatedly that my education was useless, a waste of time and money. Yet ironically, this widespread ignorance is exactly what makes my education so valuable, especially now.
Between deliberate mischaracterizations of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives and politically motivated confusion about fundamental concepts of gender and sex, my academic background has never seemed more essential. The disconnect between scientific understanding and public discourse grows wider each day.
Many public figures who speak authoritatively about sex and gender lack formal education on these topics. Yet their pronouncements are accepted as gospel because they hold positions of power and offer simplified narratives that conveniently validate existing fears and misconceptions. As I explored in my essay on memes in sex education, emotional resonance often proves more compelling than factual accuracy.
Our brains are wired to prioritize emotional resonance over factual accuracy—a cognitive bias that affects us all. When information aligns with our existing beliefs or fears, it triggers a sense of validation that feels reassuring, making us less likely to question its accuracy. This is especially powerful when the message comes from someone we trust or admire. I see this in my work with sexually transmitted infections daily.
We all crave validation. When someone in a position of influence validates our pre-existing ideas and values, we feel reassured and comforted. Therein lies the danger underpinning today’s misinformation landscape and much of American cultural and political discourse: many people struggle to distinguish fact from fiction. They wouldn’t recognize a credible resource if it hit them in the face. Too committed to being right rather than being open.
Before we can dismantle these misconceptions, we need to clarify the terms that are so often misrepresented.
What’s the difference between gender and sex?
Most people don’t understand the fundamental difference between gender and sex because they never received comprehensive education on these topics. Well, that’s not entirely accurate—most people were taught about gender and sex, but only through a single, limited lens. This is called a cis-heteronormative view. To explain what this means, let me break down the core concepts:
Sex: Refers to someone’s physical characteristics and biology. People with penises are typically categorized as male at birth, while people with vulvas are normally classified as female at birth. It’s worth noting that sex itself isn’t strictly binary. For example, intersex individuals have biological characteristics that don’t fit neatly into these categories. (The likelihood is probably more than you think, with almost 2% of people born intersex; Compare that to a ~0.3% chance of having identical twins!)
Gender: Refers to how someone identifies and experiences themselves internally. AKA how you feel. Gender encompasses psychological, social, and cultural aspects of identity that exist on a spectrum rather than rigid categories.
Cisgender: Describes when someone’s gender identity aligns with their sex assigned at birth. For example, I have female anatomy and identify as a woman.
Transgender: Describes when someone's gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth. This includes people who identify as a different gender than their assigned sex, those who identify outside the gender binary, and others whose gender expression doesn't align with social expectations.
This brings us back to cis-heteronormativity—the assumption that being cisgender and heterosexual is the default, “normal” way of existing. We see this assumption everywhere in our society, often beginning before birth.
Consider gender reveal parties (which are actually sex reveal parties). These celebrations assume a direct correlation between physical anatomy and future gender identity. The reality is that we don’t know who someone truly is until they have the opportunity to discover and express themselves. Even if someone has certain anatomy, it doesn’t predetermine whether they’ll grow up feeling like a girl or boy, both, or neither.
My own childhood experiences highlight how arbitrary gender expectations can be. I loved playing with traditionally “feminine toys” like dress-up, Barbies, and Polly Pockets, but I was equally enthusiastic about my “masculine” Hot Wheels car wash (and I still approach car washing with the same enthusiasm today). Walk through any toy store, and you can immediately notice how rigidly gendered children’s products are.
Parents as Perpetrators
The enforcement of gender norms extends far beyond toy aisles. Consider how adults, often well-meaning, routinely tease and taunt young children about future romantic partners. “Oh, he has a little girlfriend!” they exclaim about a 4-year-old boy who plays with a girl at preschool. Parents playfully suggest future romantic relationships between their children and friends' babies of the opposite sex. “Your son will marry my daughter one day!” or “She'll be breaking boys’ hearts soon enough!”
These seemingly innocent interactions reinforce heteronormativity, subtly limiting a child’s sense of possibility before they even understand themselves. Each comment builds an invisible fence around a child’s sense of possibility.
For children who already sense they don’t align with expected gender norms, these everyday interactions deliver a painful message: home isn’t a safe space for being themselves. This makes their experience much more challenging. Parents unwittingly teach these children to hide, to perform, to fracture themselves into acceptable and unacceptable parts.
The same patterns of enforcement that operate in the privacy of the home often expand into public policy debates, particularly around issues of access to gendered spaces, like public restrooms.
The same parents who obsessively police strangers’ genitals and denounce age-appropriate discussions of gender diversity are often blind to their own daily gender policing. I find myself perpetually baffled by this fixation. Every woman I know has used a men’s restroom at least once when faced with long lines and urgency, yet this pragmatic boundary-crossing rarely raises concerns.
The fear of transgender people in bathrooms ignores both statistical realities—there's no evidence that inclusive bathroom policies increase assaults—and the far greater dangers transgender individuals face when forced to use facilities that don't match their gender identity. The fearmongering about "men pretending to be women" to gain access to women's spaces ignores that predators don't need to adopt elaborate disguises. They typically exploit trust and authority. These narratives distract from addressing the real causes of gender-based violence while further marginalizing transgender individuals.
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Just because you don't understand someone's gender identity doesn't invalidate their experience. Your confusion or discomfort doesn't erase their reality. But when you subject your child to rigid beliefs because of your own discomfort, you're not protecting them—you're teaching them to fear difference and deny authenticity, including their own.
Parents who loudly proclaim they're "protecting children" by “standing up” to DEI and gender-affirming care are actively participating in and enabling the very behaviors they falsely accuse transgender and gender-diverse folks of doing. They constrain their children's self-expression while claiming others are "indoctrinating." They interrogate their children's friendships for signs of heterosexual romance while accusing educators of "sexualizing" children. This hypocrisy would be merely ironic if it weren’t so deeply harmful.
Why Understanding Gender and Sexuality Matters
We're at a critical moment in our society where misinformation about gender and sexuality is being weaponized to restrict rights and freedoms. The striking contradiction is that those leading these movements typically lack even the most basic understanding of the concepts they so confidently condemn. Their certainty isn't built on education or expertise—it's built on fear.
I think about how different our conversations about gender and sexuality could be if we approached them with genuine curiosity instead of defensiveness. If we acknowledged that our own experiences, while valid, aren't universal. The most valuable aspect of my education wasn't learning terminology or theories—it was developing the capacity to question assumptions I'd never before thought to question.
When people dismiss gender studies as useless, what they're really saying is they're uncomfortable with the questions it encourages us to ask. Questions about power, about social norms, about why we believe what we believe. The fact that public figures can't even grasp the fundamental distinction between sex and gender while crafting policies that affect millions demonstrates just how essential this education is.
My seemingly "useless" degree taught me that understanding gender and sexuality isn't about political correctness—it's about creating space for all of us to exist authentically in a world that often demands conformity.
Reflective Learning Questions
What was your sex education like? Was it comprehensive, or filtered through a certain lens (e.g., religious, abstinence-only, etc.)? Did it include discussions about gender identity and healthy relationships, or focus solely on reproductive anatomy?
Can you remember the first time you became conscious of gender expectations in your life? How did these expectations shape your choices and self-expression?
For cisgender readers: Do you remember your first meaningful interaction with someone whose gender identity differed from your own? What thoughts or feelings did you experience? and how has your understanding evolved since then?
What unconscious assumptions about gender do you catch yourself making in everyday interactions? How might these assumptions affect how you perceive and interact with others?
Which parts of this article, if any, challenged your existing beliefs or made you uncomfortable? What might that discomfort reveal about your own relationship with these concepts?