Dating While Living with Your Parents: How to Navigate Love, Sex, and Pleasure
Dating While Living with Your Parents: How to Navigate Love, Sex, and Pleasure
Expert Tips for Millennials and Gen Z on Balancing Relationships, Independence, and Family Dynamics
It’s not just the avocado toast and extra lattes — more Millennials and Gen Zers, including myself, are moving back in with their parents.
Whether you’re trying to save money, lost your job, or something else life threw your way — moving home can be a space of healing and reprieve. It can also be a place of increased stress and uncertainty, especially when it comes to your dating and sex life.
Whether you’re looking to date or focus more on self-care and healing, here are my tips to navigating potentially awkward moments with your new (old) roommates.
The Bittersweet Return: Navigating Grief and Gratitude
When I moved back home last June, there was a deep appreciation for the space and room to breathe without paying rent. But there was also an element of grief— I was losing my independence and privacy, even if temporarily.
Even if you have a room in your parents’ home, it’s hard to feel like you can be your full self. You have to wear pants (ugh, pants!) in shared areas. You don’t have as much freedom to decorate your space. And you can't bring dates home or have sex when you want — even if it’s with yourself.
Give yourself the time to adjust and grieve. I find that my grief arises when I am especially frustrated by things outside my control. Like my dad watching the news 24/7, or my parents’ resistance to giving away things they no longer need.
In these moments, I remind myself that this is temporary, and that one day I will have my own space again. But, for now, I have to find room for accepting the present moment and circumstances.
Navigating Old Dynamics in New Ways
Moving back in with my parents was especially challenging for me. Since leaving for college at 18, I’ve lived independently, with only brief periods of cohabitation with ex-partners.
Although I was familiar with my parents’ habits from our regular check-ins, having their idiosyncrasies in my face IRL was a completely new experience to navigate.
Living together again is hard for everyone, your parents included. If you're like me and accustomed to living alone, you might not even realize the quirks you bring to your new living situation.
Finding Pleasure While Living at Home: How to Maintain Your Dating and Sex Life
As you navigate these dynamics, maintaining a sense of privacy and pleasure can be another challenge. It can quickly feel like you’re a teenager again, hiding from mom and dad as you pull your vibrator out from your nightstand. But you’re an adult now, and regular self-pleasure is an important part of your routine, too.
If you were lucky to grow up with a caregiver who acknowledged your right to pleasure and welcomed healthy conversations about sex, maybe navigating this chapter of life is a little awkward, but doable.
But if you’re like many who didn’t have these conversations, finding time for uninterrupted self-care and pleasure could be a challenge.
As you navigate this in-between in your life, you’ll need to assess what you want and need when it comes to your dating and sex life. This also means developing boundaries and ensuring you have the space to meet your needs.
Assessing Your Comfort Level: Is Dating Right for You Right Now?
Some people will just know that dating isn’t for them right now. I’m one of them.
It doesn’t make sense for me to date. I moved home following a breakup and have been focused on healing and figuring out what I want next in my life. I don’t plan to make this area my home, so dating isn’t just isn’t something I’m wanting or willing to entertain while I’m here.
Someone else could be in the same position as me, and think it’s a great opportunity to date and have more “casual” sex. Others may feel there’s a stigma attached to living at home and feel completely turned off by the idea of dating.
This is a personal decision that doesn’t have right or wrong answers— only what’s right for you.
Dating Someone While Living at Home: Setting Boundaries and Expectations
If you decide you want to date while living at home, it’s probably good to have a chat with mom and dad on boundaries — both yours and theirs.
You may no longer have a curfew, but it could be uncomfortable if you’re watching a movie on the couch with your date and your dad comes down in his tighty whities. You may also be uncomfortable with bringing dates home at all. Once you figure out your comfort level, you can further discuss with your parents to establish some shared ground rules.
If you don’t feel comfortable bringing someone home or having them meet your new roommates, you’ll want to be upfront about that with the people you’re dating. If you’re just looking for sex, suggest their place or see if you can split a hotel room or an Airbnb if it’s affordable. As always, be sure to tell a friend and be mindful of your safety if you go this route.
If you’re dating more intentionally and thinking of longer-term commitments, consider sharing a vulnerable moment about where you are in your life with your prospective partners. Sharing as much or as little as you feel appropriate to the situation. This intimate conversation can help you establish trust and deepen your connection. You never know, they might be in the same situation!
Self-Pleasure Strategies for Shared Spaces: Tips for Discretion and Comfort
Even if you’re not dating anyone, you still might be trying to find non-obvious ways to get off. Here are a few tips:
Invest in Quiet Toys: If you have a Hitachi, it might be time to invest in a quieter vibrator. Some of my favorites are from Dame (and you can use my code SEXELDUCATION to save!). Dame also rates its vibrators on a quiet scale so you can have a sense of just how quiet it is. Other shops I recommend include Bellesa, Spectrum Boutique, and Good Vibrations.
Strategize Your Alone Time: If your parents travel or go out with their friends, use these opportunities to have unstructured self-pleasure time. Let this time be your time to indulge in behaviors and routines you miss from your independent living days.
Lean into Fantasy: Being home might remind you of how sex-crazed your adolescence was, or yearning about your high school crush. Use this to your advantage in self and partnered pleasure. Fantasize! add this element when your parents are out.
Travel: Whether you’re going to visit friends, have an upcoming work trip, or you’ve saved up for your next adventure, use these times to unwind, refresh, and indulge in some much needed moments of self-pleasure.
Prioritizing Yourself: Making the Most of Your Time at Home
I’m not going to pretend that these suggestions are the antidote to all the problems of living at home when it comes to dating and sex.
Like any situation with roommates, you will undoubtedly encounter challenges and have moments where you’ll need to communicate and establish boundaries — and that may prove especially tricky when it comes to parents who still struggle to understand the concept.
Know that if you’re craving those moments of pleasure, they are doable. You just may have to be more strategic about finding them.
Whether or not dating and sex are a priority for your right now, this in-between chapter, as difficult as it may be, is a unique opportunity to reflect and figure out what exactly you want next. Living at home might initially feel like a step back, but can actually be a moment to move forward in your journey of self-acceptance of who you are and who you’re becoming.
If you’re like me and choosing to prioritize yourself in this season of life, remember this: You’re still dating. You’re just dating you. And that exploration is just as valuable as any relationship.
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